You’re not taking THAT!

Taking the Mother-in-Law to that same old beach house again? Dirty, filthy thing, smelling of fish. But she’s good with the kids…

Ah, the South African Christmas holidays. Starting early in December, and continuing frustratingly (or so it seems) until the middle of February, there is little or no business to be done in this time – if you do manage to get hold of someone, they’re probably playing Candy Crush, aggressively disinclined to make any decisions “because the boss is still on holiday,” and ruing their decision to take all their leave earlier in the year.

So what’s the best thing to do? Well, when in Rome, let’s load the car, don’t forget the golf clubs, and join the mass exodus out of the city, and head for the beach! But wait…

What do you take?

What do you leave?

Let’s (as they say) do the math. We go in one car, so we can take most of the kids, and one of the dogs, and more luggage (er, shoes) than Zsa-Zsa Gabor. It’s odd, that considering we’re packing for the beach, the car suspension is already bottoming out.

Then the bombshell…”How’s my mother going to fit in?”

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You’d conveniently forgotten this, hoping that everyone else would forget as well. If there’s one thing that will take up most unnecessary luggage space on your annual escape, it’s your Mother-in-Law. Your eyes dart nervously around the boot of your car, as you try to cover your golf clubs with a headscarf…

Now this could be perceived as a little harsh and unkind toward mothers-in-law, after all, they deserve a holiday too, especially after what they’ve done for you and your brood throughout the year – babysitting while you go on “date nights,” collecting the kids from school when you’re working late, not to mention her delightful culinary witchcraft with those awesome pies, puddings and all-night baking sessions.

Don’t get me wrong, but it’s just that they are genetically predisposed NOT to travel light – you have to reassure them that there WILL be a kitchen sink and an ironing board where you’re going. But you know that with one swift horn-rimmed glare from the family Matriarch, and a well-aimed kick to the shin from your spouse, your golf clubs will be consigned to the garage, in favour of lotions, potions, bags, suitcases, trunks and Tupperware stuffed with the result of last week’s bake-athon.

Me? I’m lucky. My mother-in-law is the best I’ve ever had. OK, she is the ONLY mother-in-law I’ve had, but I got a good one. She travels light, and makes my favourite biscuits and cakes. But had there been one tiny malfunction in the DNA string some sixty glamorous years ago, this article could well have been autobiographical.

Let’s move on swiftly while I’m racking up the Brownie Points…

When you load the car, you know that every nook and cranny will be filled.

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There will be arguments about the dictionary definition of “essential” and “luxury” and “selfish” and “golf gear.” And you will hear the phrase “we can always buy it when we get there.” It’s one of the most stressful sixty minutes of your life, and once your partner has won every argument, the disappointment continues when “wine” is categorised as “we can always buy it when we get there.”

You know full well that if your dear Mother-in-Law wasn’t joining you, there would be room for a couple of cases of that special Bordeaux Blend you’ve squirreled away all year, AND you know that the bottle store at your destination probably won’t stock it. Your heart sinks at the prospect of bland plonk for the entire duration of your holiday. Welcome to St Helena, Mr Napoleon, we hope you enjoy your stay. Gee, merci.

Well, now there’s an answer to this conundrum, which will accommodate the Mother-in-Law and her multitudinous accoutrements, and will ensure that you don’t miss out on enjoying your favourite wine during your well-earned vacation.

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Why did we not think about this before?

Wine is heavy, and fragile. Let someone else worry about transporting it. If you’re heading away for several weeks, abuzzWine will deliver your chosen wine to your holiday destination.

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Consider this – you always pay cellar door price through abuzzWine, and with a fixed delivery cost of just R52 to any South African destination, that’s a big saving, on so many levels:

Save on car space and the additional weight

Save on paying inflated bottle store prices

Save on drinking bad wine

Save on arguments, bruised shins and withering glares

And YOU can be the first to suggest that the Mother-in-Law should come on holiday with you. After all, there’s room for her and her luggage, ‘cos the wine’s being delivered.

As for your golf gear? Sorry, but you’re still not taking THAT…

written by: Nick Plummer